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Are you in “an obsessive state” to avoid sex?  If you are, you may have Sexual Anorexia.  But, if you only lack sexual desire and would rather do without sex, you may be diagnosed with Hyposexuality.  Or, even yet, you may have Sexual Arousal Disorder (rarely or never sensing a desire to engage in sex).   The labels do not matter, as they all refer to low sexual desire as a problem, and there appears to be no consensus among researchers or practitioners as to what constitutes low sexual desire.  Regardless of what category you may belong in or how that category is defined, low sexual desire is often described the “most common sexual complaint by women.”

The first question that comes to my mind is, “Why is it the most common?”  Is it because low sexual desire is common or is it that understanding low sexual desire to be a problem is common.  Given our “Sex in the City” standards of high sexual desire and fantastic sexual experiences, it is not surprising that low sexual desire is deemed problematic.  And, it worries me that, although it is a common complaint among women, our ideals position many of us as the “other,” thereby promoting failure and dissatisfaction.

The second question that comes to my mind is, “Why is it women’s problem?”  In most of the articles I read on low sexual desire, the unit of analysis was the female.  Males were rarely mentioned.  I understand this to be problematic for females as well as for males.  For females, it creates stereotypes and encourages notions of “lesser than” when compared to males in a world that condones low sexual desire.  For males, it also creates stereotypes and constricts male sexuality to being nothing other than hypersexual.

My final question is, “Why do we have low sexual desire?”  Some of the reasons cited by researchers are the following:

• sexual abuse
• attachment issues
• relationship processes
• depression
• lack of pleasure in life
• medication (e.g., for depression)
• body image
• physical illness
• communication and messages regarding sexuality
• feelings of sexual incompetence

Given the proposed causal factors, it may be more productive to label our social roles, values, and practices as dysfunctional, rather than label the individual as dysfunctional. It appears that our social structures contribute greatly to low sexual desire, not only because communication and messages regarding sexuality are important, but because the factors listed above are often created and maintained by societal structures.  For example, lack of pleasure in life may have more to do with lifestyle than with biological make-up.  Many times our social location and social institutions do not allow for alternate lifestyles.  Even sexual abuse is a societal problem as it is permitted given the legal, economic, and patriarchal structures.

But, you may think it impossible to change societal structures, and you are still left with the “problem” of low sexual desire.  Well, your problem will be addressed (or changed) by simply shifting your understanding of how it is created and maintained.  It is liberating to understand and express sexuality in the way that you decide is best given the societal structures that bind you. Therapeutic interventions for low sexual desire would benefit from exploring societal beliefs about sex and sexuality (“masturbation is not respectable” or “oral sex is immoral”), given the importance of societal structures in creating these beliefs.  One study found that in societies where sexual messages were more validating of sexual diversity and where sexual communication was more open, the “problem” of low sexual desire was less prevalent.  Once a societal view of sexuality is taken, the individual can choose, given these parameters, which sexual expression is most beneficial; the results of your choice maybe less, more, or non-existent sexual desire.

Although I want to stress the importance of exploring societal messages and practices regarding sexuality, I do not want to simplify the therapeutic work involved when one is a survivor of sexual abuse, or when one comes from a family of hurtful and unjust processes, or when one has a very limiting sexual relationship.  These issues are augmented but not limited to the exploration of societal processes.

Author: Marisol Garcia, MA, University of Connecticut